


Oh What I Wouldn't Give (To Have You Laying By My Side)

by asyouturnaway



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Sleepy Cuddles, idk what else this is literally soft sleepy boyfriends taking care of each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-01
Updated: 2017-01-01
Packaged: 2018-09-13 22:38:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9145324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asyouturnaway/pseuds/asyouturnaway
Summary: "Ronan hated when people treated him as though he was fragile, especially after his father’s death, but that wasn’t what Adam’s touches projected. Adam was gentle because he cared about Ronan, because he was still figuring out his own feelings, because he was almost sure no one had ever touched Ronan like this before."Or, five times Adam fell asleep on Ronan, plus three times Ronan fell asleep on Adam.





	

**Author's Note:**

> hello everyone! so i just read the whole raven cycle series over the last two weeks (i bought the books in august and i've just barely had time to read them i hate school) and i absolutely fell in love with every character in the books. i honestly haven't written anything in years and idk how good this really is, but i got the idea stuck in my head today and it all came out easy.  
> the only warnings i really have are for spoilers for the books but please let me know if you think i should warn for anything else! this takes place during and after the series, but it's kind of an ambiguous timeline. also even though i just read the books i have a terrible time remembering some details so if something doesn't match up with the books i'm sorry!! i tried.  
> lastly, please let me know what you think! even just a kudos is great if you liked it. and thank you to everyone who reads!!  
> also yes the title is definitely from we belong together by mariah carey because i love that song and its stuck in my head after that ridiculous performance

**1**

Fucking Declan never failed to ruin his day, not that it’d been going that well before he called anyways. Ronan had skipped class (again) because he’d had a particularly terrible night’s sleep with all of his nightmares (again) and Declan had called to tell him to sort his shit out and get himself to class more often (again). 

And so when Ronan returned to Monmouth around dinner after aimlessly driving around in the BMW for hours (and possibly blowing off some steam racing against Kavinsky), he felt justified when he slammed the front door and stomped his way into the room. That was until Gansey popped up from his desk chair, frantically making shushing gestures while he pointed at the sofa. 

Because curled into the corner, textbook still open on the arm of the couch, was a sleeping Adam. His head was propped up on his hand, his chest rising and falling slowly. He looked like he’d fallen asleep right in the middle of reading a sentence. 

Ronan couldn’t help but let a little bit of his anger fizz away. He was way past the point of denying he liked Adam and seeing the other boy like this made his heart beat a little faster and his hard facade slip just a bit. The seemingly permanent pinched look of stress on Adam’s face vanished while he was sleeping and he looked peaceful, even though Ronan didn’t doubt he was dreaming of Cabeswater. Hopefully Adam would be able to get a decent nap in before he headed back to St. Agnes for the night. 

Gansey moved from beside him back to his desk, assured Ronan wasn’t going to make any more noise that would wake Adam up. Ronan walked as quietly into his room as possible and pulled one of the extra blankets from his bed. It was the softest one he owned, a dark blue fleece blanket his mom had given to him for his birthday one year. He crept back out to the main room and draped the blanket over top of Adam because Adam would deny it to the end of time, but he always got cold when he slept. He slid the textbook away from Adam carefully and folded down the corner of the page Adam was on to bookmark it before he placed it on the floor beside the couch. 

When Ronan turned around to head back to his room, Gansey was looking at him in a way that Ronan knew meant his feelings for Adam were becoming glaringly obvious. Quirking an eyebrow at Gansey as if to dare him to say something, Ronan headed back to his room where he tried (and failed) to get his heart to stop trying to beat out of his chest. 

 

**2**

 

Ronan was pretty sure four a.m. must be creeping up on them, but he knew he wouldn’t be sleeping anymore tonight. Two hours ago, he had been in his room, headphones on, sitting up against the wall in his bed with Chainsaw perched on his shoulder after a particularly gruesome nightmare. He was prepared to spend the rest of the night sitting there, waiting for sunrise, when Adam appeared in the doorway to his room, looking like absolute shit. 

“Can we just go anywhere, please?” Adam asked.  _ Please don’t ask me what’s wrong, I don’t want to talk about it  _ was what he didn’t say, but Ronan heard anyways. It was times like these, where Adam let his guard down just enough to ask for something after driving to Monmouth from St. Agnes in the middle of the night, even if it was just Ronan’s time, that Ronan thought maybe,  _ maybe _ , he wasn’t alone in his feelings. 

And Adam must know how important he was to Ronan, because most people (or really anyone besides Adam) would have been glared at and told to fuck off at such a ridiculous hour. But it’s Adam, so Ronan didn’t hesitate to climb out of bed and pull on pants and a sweatshirt. Ronan grabbed the keys to the BMW, put Chainsaw into her cage, and led Adam back outside to the car. Neither of them spoke, but the longer Ronan drove through the dark, winding streets of Henrietta, the more he saw Adam’s shoulders relax incrementally. Adam was still clearly upset, but he seemed less like he’d fall apart at any moment and more like he just needed to sleep for the next week. 

When Adam let his head drop to rest against the passenger’s side window, Ronan pulled off his sweater while he was at a stop sign and handed it to Adam. Adam took the sweater and tucked it against the window as a pillow and rested his head against it once again. 

“Thank you,” Adam whispered, and only a few minutes later, his eyes were shut and he was fast asleep. 

 

**3**

 

Ronan kissed him. After all the tiptoeing around their feelings, Ronan kissed Adam. 

And Adam kissed him back. Not just once, but a second time on the porch. 

Adam Parrish kissed Ronan Lynch. Ronan couldn’t believe it.  

And now here they were, curled together as close as they could get on the couch at the Barns, Adam’s callused hands tracing the patterns of Ronan’s tattoo. Adam must notice the way Ronan’s breath caught as he touched him in such a gentle way. Ronan hated it when people treated him as though he were fragile, especially after his father’s death, but that wasn’t what Adam’s touches projected. Adam was gentle because he cared about Ronan, because he was still figuring out his own feelings, because he was almost sure no one had ever touched Ronan like this before. 

And Ronan loved it. If he could, he would stay in this moment with Adam forever. Just the two of them on the couch, the room dimly lit by the light from the kitchen, Adam’s body pressed up against his. As much as Ronan tried to look indifferent or angry and hard towards everyone, even Gansey sometimes, he couldn’t help but let the sappiest, most heartfelt thoughts bubble up when he was this close to Adam. 

_ I want to kiss his cheek and stroke his hair and lay my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat and cook him breakfast and count his freckles and make him feel endlessly, completely loved,  _ Ronan thought. 

And the best part was Adam was looking right back at Ronan with the same sort of adoration written plainly across his face. Ronan couldn’t help but tilt his chin up just slightly, silently asking for another kiss. Adam shifted impossibly closer and slid his hand up Ronan’s back and across his shoulder to rest on his neck. He leaned in and pressed their lips together soundly, and Ronan tried to convey all of his thoughts to Adam through the kiss because he was still too scared to say them out loud but Adam had to know just how much Ronan adored him. 

When Adam pulled back to rest his head back against the pillow, there was a faint blush on his tanned cheeks and a shy smile on his lips. But while he was too hesitant to meet Ronan’s gaze again, his fingers didn’t hesitate to move back down Ronan’s back to trace across his skin and leave Ronan shivering. 

Ronan didn’t know how long they laid there together, but when Adam’s fingers slowed down and eventually stopped as he fell asleep, Ronan couldn’t imagine wanting to be anywhere else. 

 

**4**

 

School fucking sucked, but Ronan knew how important school was to Adam, so he made a valiant attempt to at least try not to distract him from his studying. 

It had been two weeks since Gansey had died for a second time, since the demon had almost made Adam kill Ronan, since the demon almost unmade Ronan from the inside out. Things were different now, with no Glendower to consume all their time, no Cabeswater to venture out into. But they were good. Gansey and Blue had quickly settled into their relationship now that they no longer had to worry about Blue killing Gansey by kissing him. Ronan was pretty sure there was something going on with them and Henry, too, but when Ronan had teased Gansey about him having a crush on Henry he blushed so hard and stuttered so badly Ronan took pity on him and left him be (for now). 

Ronan and Adam, on the other hand, were still carefully building their relationship. It was hard for both of them, for very different reasons, to pull down their walls and allow the other to see them. Adam still had trouble accepting even the smallest of favours from Ronan. Two nights ago, the two were lying in Ronan’s bed in his room at Monmouth. 

“I just don’t want to feel like our relationship is full of favours. I understand a lot of what you try to give me is because you care about me but I’ve just never had someone to do that and I don’t know what to do with how much you care,” Adam had whispered as quickly as possible in the dark, clearly nervous about letting Ronan see that much into his mind. And Ronan understood, so he backed off a little and as much as he wanted to dote on Adam ( _ God,  _ he was such a sap. People were going to think he was going soft) (he was totally okay with that), he held back so Adam wouldn’t be uncomfortable. 

And Ronan was still hesitant around Adam, so used to dealing with his emotions by layering them under anger and bitterness, drowning out his feelings by blaring his music and pretending the world didn’t exist. But now he had Adam, and even though he still didn’t voice a lot of the feelings he wanted to hide, he sought out Adam’s comfort when he allowed him to wrap his body protectively around him in bed, or when he accepted the tea Adam made him after he came home from officially dropping out of Aglionby, or when he clasped Adam’s hand when it snuck across the backseat in the Pig to clutch his own fingers tightly. 

So now here they were, Adam putting all his focus into finishing his classes at Aglionby with the best grades possible, and Ronan trying to be the supportive boyfriend. Adam had insisted he keep his place above St. Agnes even though Ronan had said he could move into the Barns with him because he wanted to be able to have his own space to study, at least until June when he graduated. Ronan figured it was probably for the better that they kept their separate spaces for now anyways, even though they ended up together somewhere most of the time. 

Even though Ronan wasn’t in school anymore, he still enjoyed learning. He was sitting on the floor with his back against Adam’s bed with one of his old Latin books that he decided to re-read. 

(Also, Adam told him he wasn’t allowed to come over while he was studying unless he was going to behave and keep his hands to himself. So Ronan brought his book to occupy himself, but really he was just reading the same sentence over and over again because he kept glancing up and getting distracted by the way Adam’s jaw looked in the soft light coming from his desk lamp. Or the way Adam’s forehead creased in concentration as he tried to decipher algebra practice problems. Or the way his eyelashes looked, long and dark against his cheeks as he blinked. 

Basically, Adam was one big distraction and it was probably a good thing Ronan didn’t actually need to pay attention to homework anymore, otherwise he’d be fucked.)

As Ronan watched Adam, he saw how Adam was slowly losing focus on his homework, his blinks getting slower, his writing less and less frequent. Adam let out a long yawn that he tried to cover up and failed miserably. 

“Adam,” Ronan said. Adam looked up at him and Ronan could tell he was about five minutes away from falling asleep on top of the mountain of textbooks and notes on his desk. “Come to bed with me?”

“I really wanted to finish these last five questions though,” Adam pouted, but even he didn’t sound very motivated to continue working. And so when Ronan got up from the floor, stretching his arms above his head in a way he knew would entice Adam more because it made his shirt ride up, it only took thirty more seconds of Adam staring blankly at his papers to huff and close up his books. 

Ronan headed to Adam’s tiny bathroom to brush his teeth before bed while Adam pulled out sweatpants for the both of them to wear to bed. 

By the time Ronan came back out of the bathroom, Adam had already fallen asleep, curled under the mountain of blankets he had dragged up to his nose. Ronan quickly changed, turned out the light, and slid under the covers beside Adam. 

When Adam’s eyelids fluttered and he stretched his arm out in search of Ronan’s body, Ronan couldn’t help but cuddle right up to Adam’s side, kissing his forehead before falling asleep himself. 

 

**5**

 

Without Glendower to obsess over, it was inevitable that Gansey would find some new obsession. This time it was astronomy, which endlessly frustrated everyone because it meant he was always dragging them out at ridiculous hours to go look at the stars or the moon in obscure places where he insisted they could see everything better. Secretly, everyone was pleased that astronomy seemed like a harmless passion that had no chance of killing Gansey, so they all allowed him to drag them along on his adventures.

Which is how Adam and Ronan ended up where they were now, sitting in the backseat of the Pig. Gansey was in the driver’s seat, Noah chattering away happily to him from the passenger seat about the supermoon Gansey had shown them that night. Henry and Blue had stayed behind at Monmouth, both claiming they needed to study for finals. Ronan was surprised Adam hadn’t done the same thing, but these days Ronan managed to get Adam to give himself just a little bit of free time every day, even if it was just five minutes to lay in bed and listen to whatever song Ronan played for him. 

Adam had been genuinely excited for the supermoon, asking Gansey a bunch of questions and engaging in an animated debate with Noah over whether the bloodmoon or the supermoon looked cooler. But now in the backseat of the Camaro, the engine roaring around them, Ronan could tell Adam had used up the last of his energy for the day. Adam had been taking extra shifts when he could at work because even though there was no doubt he’d get a scholarship for college tuition, he was still worried about affording the dorms. So even though it was a Saturday, Ronan knew Adam had gotten up at six this morning to study for a few hours before heading off to work for almost twelve hours. Ronan admired the way Adam was determined to make things work even though he’d been dealt the shittiest hand ever. 

Ronan watched as Adam would drift asleep, only to be woken up less than a minute later when his head would bob down and he’d wake himself up. After the third time it happened, Ronan sighed and gently tugged at Adam’s arm until he got him to lay down across the backseat with his head resting in Ronan’s lap. Ronan looked at him questioningly, making sure this was okay with Adam. Even though they had become more comfortable around each other in private, Ronan wanted to make sure Adam was okay with being affectionate in front of Gansey and Noah. But Adam just smiled up at him reassuringly, no sign of hesitancy. Adam turned his head to press a kiss against Ronan’s stomach where his shirt had ridden up and then closed his eyes. Ronan brought his hand up to tangle through Adam’s hair, stroking the strands gently and returning the smile Adam gave him even though he couldn’t see it. Soon enough, Adam began snoring gently, almost inaudible over the roar of the Pig. 

“You guys are really good for each other,” Gansey said from the front seat, looking at Ronan and Adam in the rear view mirror. Ronan had been so distracted he hadn’t even noticed Gansey and Noah had stopped talking. “I’m glad everything seems to be working out.”

“Me too, Gansey,” Ronan replied, smiling even bigger as Adam moved in his sleep just to curl his fingers around the hem of Ronan’s shirt. “Me too.” 

 

**+1**

 

Adam missed Ronan. They hadn’t seen each other in three days. Between finishing up his last few exams at Aglionby and working non-stop, Adam had barely had enough time to eat let alone go see Ronan. And sure, Ronan could theoretically come by St. Agnes and see Adam, but Adam had asked Ronan to give him a little extra space during exams week. Adam tended to get cranky and so hyper-focused on school and he didn’t want Ronan to be caught in the crossfire when he inevitably snapped at some point. 

Ronan agreed to leave Adam alone (after spending a whole night pressing kisses to every inch of Adam’s body, sighing dramatically as though he would die without being able to touch him for a few days) and Adam had moved his focus to his exams and away from the many creative ways his mind came up with to make Ronan let out those breathy little moans that drove Adam wild. 

But now with all of his exams behind him and his shift at the shop done, Adam was finally heading out to the Barns as the sun set to see Ronan. At this point, all Adam wanted to do was check in on Opal in her room and give her a kiss goodnight, and then drag Ronan up to bed to maybe put on a movie but probably just to make out and ask him about his day. 

Turns out, Ronan was way ahead of Adam, because after he stopped by Opal’s room to see her fast asleep, wrapped around a stuffed raven Adam had given her, he found Ronan fast asleep on the couch in the living room as well, Chainsaw perched on the coffee table beside him. She cawed at Adam when he came in the room but hushed when he gave her a quiet hello. 

Adam thought Ronan was beautiful all the time, but even more so when he was asleep. All of the protection Ronan put up around himself to shield himself from the world faded away and softened his features. With his head freshly shaved, his tattoo on full display without his shirt on, and his nails painted a steel grey colour, Ronan never looked so gorgeous. 

“Hey, Ro,” Adam said, running his hand up and down Ronan’s arm to wake him. It took a minute, but eventually Ronan blinked his eyes open to look at Adam. 

“What the fuck, Parrish, I was having a great nap there until you so rudely woke me up,” Ronan snapped, but his blinding smile gave him away and made his words mean nothing. Ronan grabbed the back of Adam’s neck with one hand, gently tugging him down so he could give him a slow, sleepy kiss. 

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Ronan confessed. “I didn’t know what to do with myself the last few days. Opal kept following me around asking where you were. She asked me if you didn’t like us anymore because you hadn’t been here in a few days.” 

Adam’s heart swelled hearing how much Opal liked him. He knew how special she was to Ronan, and her approval of him made him infinitely happy. “I hope you told her that I like you both so, so much still. I went and kissed her goodnight before I woke you up.”

“Good. She’ll be excited to see you tomorrow,” Ronan said, smiling. Then, quieter, he added, “You’re really good with her. I like that.” 

Adam blushed, and Ronan leaned in to steal another kiss.

“Alright, since you woke me up you have to carry me up to bed,” Ronan joked. 

“You asked for it,” Adam said, laughing as he hauled Ronan off the couch and carried him bridal style towards the stairs. 

“Shit,” Ronan breathed out, giggling a little. “It’s really hot that you’re so strong but I’m so tired that I can’t even think about doing anything tonight.”

“Raincheck?” Adam said, depositing Ronan in bed after he made it up the stairs. He stripped off his jeans as Ronan squirmed under the covers before joining him in bed. 

“You’re going to get the best morning blowjob ever tomorrow,” Ronan agreed, ending it with a huge yawn. Adam smiled at him as he started to push Adam’s limbs around to his liking, laying his head on Adam’s shoulder and throwing a leg across both of Adam’s. 

“Sounds great,” Adam replied, but Ronan was already asleep. 

 

**+2**

 

Ronan was probably the strongest person Adam knew. He’d seen both his father and mother after they were killed, he watched his best friend die, he was almost torn apart by a demon, and yet here he was, still going, still living his life every day. It was one of the things Adam loved most about him, his never ending strength to handle everything life threw at him.

Whenever Adam woke up in the middle of the night to find Ronan already awake, eyes red and face wet, hands still trembling from whatever horrors his mind had dreamt up, it didn’t make Adam think Ronan was weak. It made him think Ronan was even stronger, because his nightmares were just one more thing he made it through. But it took Ronan a while to allow Adam to see him like this. It took a month to get him to stop locking himself in the bathroom after a nightmare, and another couple weeks for him to hesitantly inch closer to Adam after he had woken up yelling and crying one night. 

Now it was nearing the end of August and Ronan’s nightmares were slowly decreasing in frequency. They still haunted Ronan some nights, as they probably always would, but now when Ronan woke up from a nightmare, he wouldn’t hesitate to take what he needed from Adam. Some nights he’d just need to hear Adam’s voice reminding him where he was, some nights he wanted to be held, and some nights he wanted other things. 

Like tonight, when he woke up crying and saw that Adam was already awake, he quietly asked, “Will you sing to me? Mom used to do it when I was younger and had bad dreams. I miss her voice a lot.”

And so Adam sang to him. He knew Ronan didn’t care that his voice wasn’t very good and he tried not to feel self conscious when he picked a song Ronan had been playing a lot lately to sing. Ronan smiled, recognizing the song, and Adam gently traced patterns onto Ronan’s back. It was so similar to the first night they’d spent together laying on the couch after Ronan’s birthday that Adam couldn’t help but think of how far they’d come. They’d gone through so many hard times, but they still made it out together and happy. Adam didn’t know what more he could ask for. 

 

**+3**

 

College was exhausting, but so satisfying. Adam was proud of himself for making it to where he wanted to be, on his own terms. The only thing that would make college better was if he could take Ronan and Opal with him. But Ronan was deep into working at the Barns, and Adam could tell he loved it so he couldn’t take him away from that. So Adam had to settle for weekend trips home and holiday visits. 

The last week of October had been his busiest yet, and even though Adam had talked to Ronan on the phone every night this week (which was a feat in itself to get Ronan to use his phone that many times in a row), he longed to be able to see him in person. And so Thursday afternoon after his last class of the week, he threw some clothes in a bag, got in the BMW, and got on the highway towards Henrietta. 

By the time he pulled up to the Barns, it was after ten. He crept inside the house quietly, not wanting to wake Ronan or Opal up if they were asleep (and Adam figured they both would be. Ronan had started getting up earlier in the mornings to do farm work so his bed time had been gradually getting earlier). When he stopped by Opal’s room, he was surprised to find it empty. That was, until he went to see if Ronan was in bed and found him curled protectively around Opal in their bed, both of them sound asleep. Adam couldn’t help but smile, sneaking a quick picture of them. 

Adam dropped his bag in the corner and changed before climbing into bed, sandwiching Opal in the middle of him and Ronan. Ronan stirred and when he realized Adam was there, he grinned widely and leaned over Opal to give him a kiss. 

“Good to see you again Parrish,” Ronan whispered. “Glad to see we’re still your first choice after you’ve gone off and met new people.”

“There’s no place I’d rather be than here with the two of you.”

 


End file.
